8/3/2010

Blood test results from Friday show an even higher TSH level, now at 6.51 and an FT4 of .83.  I guess since I am feeling okay other than being tired, I am not going to worry about it....

7/29/2010

Thyroid issues seem to be going well...had at least 3 really good days.  I called the DR fo rmy repeat blood tests to se if the levels have changed since the decrease in the MMI.

until last night!  but it wasn't thyroid related, it was family related, and has caused me severe distress and stress related symptoms.  I am nausea, and diahrea so bad...i have no energy...my sstomch is in so much pain.  my pills did not get dissolved into my system. 

Well more later...gotta go

7/26/2010

3pm...well one good day one bad day...Saturday was great...felt great, had energy, despite having lil man I really enjoyed my day.  Sunday was well, a little of both...was tired. baby lil man woke at 5:30 and did not want to go back to sleep.  i took a nap in the afternoon with him, but it was more like a rest period. did not sleep really well, and woke with dreams giving a bit of anxiety.  the evening was pretty yucky.  I started getting anxious and fidgety...wanted to bring lil man home early, just started feeling uncomfortable with myself.  had missed lunch, and wanted desperately to go get something to eat.  daughter screwed up my plans, she had to go shopping, so by the time she got home and I got lil man back at the apt it was after 9pm!  was very agitated, and feeling irritable as hell...went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 7:30 this morning.  i rmember waking up in dreams...i remember the first one i was screaming, you know dreaming that you were screaming...and nothing comes out, then as you gradually wake up, you hear yourself?

this morning i feel okay...still feel some light pressure behind my eyes and an oh so slight vagueness of a headache.  the day has been fairly quiet, except for the usual husband stupid shit...which i probably should just start another blog for...but i am so sick of his forgetfulness it isn't funny...i can't stand it when your asked to call someone and you have NO information and he does not put any notes on the event, and then oh guess what? I AM the one who blows it, because HE has to change shit, like I can just mysteriously know all this shit...stress you say?  I am SICK of stress!!! and being his personal #@%@# notepad~! Why does it that HIS irresponsibility makes me look like the ass and not him?

7/23/10

Woke up witha headache again this morning.

felt pretty blah for the most part, but still can't shake this irritable feeeling, and just don't want to be bothered, but still wish I had someone who truly cared for me and showed it.  i know hubby hates me, and I am getting where I can't stand his forgetfulness, slobbliness, and total lack of respect for himself and others. 

Maybe I just am supposed to be alone my the rest of my life.  why can't anyone find joy anymore...so tired, so tired of feeling sick...so tired of feeling miserable.  Widh i could just go home and be pampered for a while...
yeah...selfish,  i know, just syaing that is how i'm feeling.

7/22/2010

1:30pm - feeling quite shitty again today...really depressed, didn't sleep much at all last night...feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head...and still have the lingering headache.  maybe more tomorrow.........

July 21, 2010

Got acall yesterday drom the Dr. that my TSH level was 4.07, so a decrease in my MMI to 5 mg.  Sleep was good last night...though, still feeling tired and extremely depressed today.  Had to delete all my postings from my fb wall so it didn't "bother" anyone...that based on a message from my so loving sis, who said it was depressing.  She has no clue!  Besides the fact I have no real close friends, makes all this really suck!  Oh, I am sure, if it came down to it, ther are people who say they care...but it's no different than any other day, when no one calls to see how you are feeling, or if there is anything they could do for ya...Not even my hubby...who really doesn't give two shits about anyone but himself anyway...Yup!  they all would say i'm wrong, but I know I'm right... Not that I really want people doting over me, but no one ever calls me to come and visit, no one calls me to go out, no one calls me to go shopping or to garage sales, no one calls me to just talk...

You think I would be used to it by now...been this way since after high school...guess that is what happens when you move around so much...everytime you get a good friend, you up and move and don't stay in touch...whatever...

So this is the painful reality, is that I walk this life alone...always wishing I had another kind of life, nothing ever changes for long...

What a pathetic life I live!  And the sad reality is no one really gives a damn....

Lupus Nephritis: Kidney Disease in Lupus, RA, and Scleroderma

Lupus Nephritis: Kidney Disease in Lupus, RA, and Scleroderma